Give me a Reason
by VesperChan
Summary: Can you give me a reason to wake up in the morning? How about yourself?


Written by Vesper chan  
Beta edited by BrittMarie

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Give Me A Reason

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"Hey, do you have a reason for me to wake up in the morning?"

"You don't have one yourself?"

"I do, but it's not enough to outweigh the reasons not to."

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Soil and mud stuck to hands and got under her nails as Sakura hurried to cover up the hole with more dirt till the top of an old gray chest could no longer be distinguished. It had just stopped raining and yet, clouds colored darkly with gray still choked the sky and held back the light. She had lived by the seaside long enough to know when it would start raining again, and today was one of those days. Speeding up, she used her whole arm to push moist dirt back into place. She packed the dirt in and patted it down, not bothering to disguise her handprints, since the rain would just wash them away.  
Finished, she slipped out of the vineyard and scurried like a rat all the way home. Once in sight of the sizable house, she slowed down to a respectable walk. The building that was larger than any other house in the village loomed up like an old sad giant with rounded corners and a flat room designed for sunbathing. A long, winding pathway led up to the front lined with little lights that only the rich could really afford, since they served only a minor purpose.

Sakura kept low and slipped past the house to double around back and enter the old shed nobody bothered to use nowadays. There was a clean skirt and halter top waiting for her to change into before entering. She pulled back her wet hair and tied it up in a bun so as to hide the messiness of it. She checked herself in an old cracked mirror before leaving for the front door.

Her stepmother looked up from her paper seeing Sakura at the door, entering like a delicate lady and nodded her greeting. She was a very proper-looking woman, and was as stern as any proper woman would be expected to be. Sakura bowed, keeping her eyes to herself before slipping away, upstairs to her room. Once there she fell against the back of her door and sobbed into her arms.

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"Are you skipping school again?" Karin asked from outside the shed.

Sakura was in the middle of exchanging her lace-trimmed blouse for an old white tank with thin straps. She paused only for a moment to look over at her stepsister with dull, bored eyes before returning to her dressing. Karin seemed annoyed by the silence.

"Aren't you afraid I'm gonna tell? I've know for a while now so I have proof if you try to deny it."

"Do as you wish, Karin," Sakura replied, letting her skirt drop and pool around her ankles. Karin blushed and looked away, a bit envious and embarrassed.

The redhead turned half away and pushed up her glasses. "You'll get in trouble and your dad will probably punish you."

"I have long since stopped caring about such things." Sakura stepped into a pair of modest shorts with tears over the thighs one leg at a time. Karin noticed that Sakura's underwear wasn't really underwear at all, but rather a swimsuit... a pretty daring swimsuit too, or maybe it was only like that because Sakura was wearing it. She was a westerner after all, so she had certain curves and assets that other such Japanese girls could only dream of.

"Dad might beat you. Did you think about that? You know he would."

"If you want to tell them I won't stop you, nor will I deny it. They're bound to find out about it once the school notifies them of my absences anyway."

Karin seemed at a loss, torn between so many different feelings. "Where do you go?"

Sakura shrugged, peeling off her socks. "Wherever I want to. The beach, the pier, the mall. I wander and let my body take control."

"Why do you do this?"

"Why? Ah... maybe it's because I can't breath in that place, at school, and can hardly survive in my own home. If I don't run away this much I'll die from suffocation."

The girl in glasses scoffed and rolled her eyes, her hands now coming up to cross over her small chest. "Oh please, don't be such a drama queen. You may think you sound all cool giving your pitiful wounded orphan speech but it's pathetic."

Sakura stopped, leaving her shoes off to the side and her sandals in one hand. She turned to face Karin and smiled. "Yeah, you're right, I am pathetic, I won't deny that. I'm not as strong as someone like you who can deal with such situations time and time again. I break after tragedy. I'm too comfortable in my misery to climb out and join you and your family on the hill for a picnic."

Being the older one with western blood Sakura was taller than her step sister so when she passed she had to look down a bit. Almost on a whim Sakura reached out, cupped Karin's face, kissed her cheek, and whispered in her ear. "Go and tell if you want to, devils like me don't break so easily."

Karin felt stricken, cold and stiff. It was as if a great, cold hand had wrapped itself around her and squeezed her lungs till they screamed. Sakura was only a year older, but she was one scary bitch when she wanted to be. She knew Karin wouldn't have the guts to rat on her. Why? Because Karin was smart and she knew that after she did anything Sakura would come for revenge.

Something like that had happened when they had first met. Karin had found cigarettes in Sakura's school bag and tattled like a good little mommy's girl. Sakura lied like she breathed, spinning a story about how she had taken them from a friend who she was trying to save from the nasty habit, and how she had forgotten to take them out of her bag and throw them away once she got home.

'Why didn't you throw them away when you were at school?'

'I did that the last time I caught her with them, but she just fished them out of the trash when I turned my back. I needed to keep them from her to help her- and if that meant taking them onto my person so be it. She will be a mother someday if she marries like her family wants her to, so she needs to think about her health for- not only herself- but her future family. Even if she hates me, I can't let her do something like that.'

Of course it had been no use once her mother heard Sakura's little hero of the day speech. Their dad still wanted to punish her, but mother wore the pants in their relationship and was the one who held the pocketbook, so when she said Sakura would not be touched it was as good as law. Mother was the breadwinner, and the one who owned the house, so even if he wanted to Sakura's dad wouldn't do anything.

Karin turned to watch Sakura disappear down the road and cursed, her heart burning with hate. Sakura was too perfect with her killer looks, witty charm, and dynamite brains. No one in school was smarter than her, not even some of the teachers-in-training. That girl had a house bigger than the town hall and a future brighter than the sun itself as far as career and future husband went. What did she have to be so moody about? What more in life did she want that she didn't already have?

"Bitch," Karin hissed, her eyes stinging. "I hate you."

Pushing up her glasses, she wiped her eyes and huffed before she turned and departed for school. At the gates it was no surprise to see Suigetsu waiting with his shirt half-unbuttoned and his hair uncombed, giving him that attractive daredevil rule-breaker kind of look. He lit up when he saw Karin and ran to her side, making her heart jump and fall like a hummingbird in her chest.

"Suigetsu," she breathed, a smile on her face.

"Hey there Kar, where's your sister?"

Karin's smile fell like lead, her happy feeling all gone. "She's not here."

"Then where is she?"

"Ugh, how should I know? Leave me alone." She pushed past him but he still followed.

"How can you not know? You guys live with each other and you come to the same school. Didn't she come with you?"

"No, she didn't. I don't know where she is, now move, I have class." Karin turned into the classroom and slid the door shut behind her just as the bell rang.

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Sakura rolled her shoulders in the sand and felt the grains move around to let her sink further in. Her skin wasn't wet anymore, damp maybe, but not wet. The sun was almost directly overhead, making it pretty close to noon. She had been out on the beach four hours already, swimming for most of the time.

"Poor Karin probably is covering for me again. If she hated me so much she shouldn't lie about my ditching."

Sakura closed her eyes and almost fell asleep, the sun and the sand was just that comfortable. She could feel the grains and clumps slip and stick to her fingers as she dragged them around in little circles on both sides. On a cooler day, the warmth from the sand was just too amazing not to enjoy.

Everything smelled to thickly of salt from the sea, and she knew that if she came home without washing herself off she would give away her secret. She would probably hose herself down in the backyard and wait till she dried before coming in. She wasn't about to let her secrets escape just yet, despite how clumsy she had been with Karin.

'It's not like I care what they think of me or what they do," she breathed, squeezing clumps of sand and arching to yawn. 'I'll do whatever I need to in order to run away.'

Sakura felt her eyes fall a bit and almost drifted off a second time when something passed by and blacked the sun out. She looked up, trying to make the figure out, but the face was shadowed and indistinguishable. She couldn't even tell it this person was male or female.

"You'll burn if you stay out any longer."

She didn't move, but closed her eyes and exhaled, not at all unnerved by the company. "Nah, I don't even tan after so long. I'll be fine."

"Still," this person moved out of the sun and sat down next to her. "It's not the warmest of days, so you should still be cautious. Don't stay under the sun too long because you're cold."

It was defiantly a 'he' talking to Sakura, though that was hard to believe at first since his face was so feminine... no- not only feminine but beautiful as well. Sakura couldn't remember ever seeing a prettier person and that made her laugh. The pretties face she's seen in her whole life belongs to a male!

Sakura chuckled, propping herself up on her elbows. "It's only late summer, not that cold. Do you think it is chilly?"

"No, I like the cold. I can't wait till it snows here."

She chuckled again. "I wouldn't mind the snow so much if it didn't keep me from swimming. That's the worst part of winter."

"I saw you from the pier out there in the ocean. You swam out far so I was surprised. You must enjoy it, swimming that is."

"You bet." Sakura smiled a toothy grin and nodded, shifting up onto one elbow to hold out a hand to shake. "My name is Sakura. I don't think we have ever met before."

"Oh really," he replied to her last statement with a twinkle in his eyes... almost as if he knew something she didn't. She didn't pay it very much mind. "Well it is a pleasure to meet you then, Sakura. My name is Haku."

And that was how it started.

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"I don't think you should have those out here," Haku commented, pointing to the objects Sakura was smuggling away onto the beach.

"Oh please, this is the safest place for them."

"Won't someone see?"

Sakura paused before reaching into her pocket and pulling out some matches with a toothy grin. "Probably."

"And you're okay with that?"

"Of course not."

Haku's eyes widened. "Then why are we out here in the middle of the night ready to do something you don't want to get in trouble for?"

Sakura struck the match against the side of one of her rockets before igniting the fuse. The string snapped and crackled, hissing like a dragon as the fire at up the path it was on. Sakura grabbed Haku by the wrist and dragged him away before the rocket could go off, laughing as she did so.

"Run!"

He squeaked but ran with her, shivering as one of the three prongs on their rocket exploded into the air. Seconds later the other two followed, taking off in a dazzling show of color and light. Both stopped running for only a moment to watch the sight before they sparkled out and died into the sea.

It wasn't long after that the commotion began.

Neighbors exited their houses, lights came on, dogs began to bark, and the voices increased. There were some people standing in the middle of the street, looking towards the ocean, half expecting to see another rocket go off, and others looking for whatever it was that had caused it in the first place.

From their hiding place Sakura and Haku watched as villagers ran down to the beach to look for evidence and possibly the perpetrator.

"They won't find anything down there," Sakura chuckled, looking over at the small smile on Haku's face. It was hard to see in the dark, but even if she couldn't see it, she could certainly feel it, almost as if it were a physical force surrounding her. "Fun, wasn't it?"

"Why did you need to blow it up tonight, though. Why couldn't you have waited?"

"It had to be tonight at this exact time. It was an anniversary."

"Of a death?"

Sakura stopped walking and Haku paused behind her. She seemed to stiffen, but turned around anyway and smiled. It wasn't a natural smile, but a stretched one that looked forced. Haku knew she wanted to smile, but it was hard for her to strangle her heart into cooperating. "Yeah, a double death anniversary."

Haku took her hand and stood next to her. She looked up at him in confusion, since he was a head taller than her. "Maybe one day you'll be able to tell me about it, neh?"

Sakura smile was no longer forced. "Maybe... one day."

"Okay, I'll look forward to it." He brushed a strand of hair behind her ear and smiled down at her.

One thing Sakura loved the most about Haku was his acceptance of her. He didn't pry into her life, rarely asked her questions, but still managed to adore her and care for her more than anyone she knew. Sometimes she didn't wonder if he didn't already know what was going on or what had happened in her life, he was so calm about it.

When she kept showing up at the beach during school hours he didn't ask why he was skipping, though he did remind her later on that she needed to treasure her ability to go to school and learn while so many others could not. When he saw her scars or her tattoos he didn't ask where they came from or inquire after her sanity for getting something inked onto her body. When she suddenly for no apparent reason burst out into tears and started sobbing into his chest he didn't ask what had happened, he just held her close and told her everything would be alright as long as he was there and that it was all okay.

It didn't take long, only two months after their first meeting, but Sakura knew she was in love with this guy.

Haku pulled her along, his hand still around hers, and led her to one of the bars they visited almost every other day. A friend owned the place, and while he wouldn't allow the two to drink, the pool tables and card tables were all free of charge for the duo. 'Course this didn't stop the pair from trying to sneak a glass or two of ale from behind the counter to consume later on.

Walking into the tavern, they were greeted with a few hellos, but largely ignored just like they preferred. With her make-up on Sakura didn't look like a high-school girl so no one asked for her ID. Haku, as well, looked much older than he claimed to be. Sometimes Sakura thought he was lying about only being 17, but he swore he was telling the truth.

Tsunade was drunk at the bar again, and didn't notice when her glass and ale bottle went missing. Sakura had the mostly-filled bottle hidden under one arm and Haku had the glasses behind his back. No one noticed them sneak into one of the back rooms with their prize.

"Score," Sakura chirped like a happy canary as she slid into a boot, followed by Haku.

"Don't drink too much. Your parents will find out in the morning."

Sakura shook her head, pouring for herself a new glass. "Nah, I told them I was sleeping over at a friend's house today. That's why I couldn't see you today. I had to go to school and ask her to cover for me if they asked."

Haku took the other glass for himself and sipped the heavy liquid. "Your friend must have been curious as to what you were really doing."

"Nah, she knows better than to do something like that." Sakura finished off her small glass and held it out with a sheepish smile. "I'm done with this one, refill, please?"

Haku pulled the bottle closer to himself. "No way. You are not allowed to drink more than me, and I haven't finished my own, yet."

"You take too long."

"Tough nuggets, kid."

It didn't take long for Sakura to get her second glass, or her third, but by the fourth Haku was having trouble keeping up with her. As expected of someone who started drinking when she was thirteen. She didn't even look that fazed until the fourth glass. By then her cheeks were a bright pink and her eyes were hazy and doe-like. She slumped back against her seat and looked out across the floor where others were playing and talking.

Some of the old men who were sailors were talking about selkies again. Selkies were those seal like creatures who were able to become human by shedding their seal skins, only to return to seal form by putting the pelt back on. They were a favorite story for these men of the seas and Sakura remembered growing up with stories such as these to keep her company at night. They were always lovely stories, even if they ended in tragedy.

Stories concerning selkies are generally romantic tragedies. Sometimes the human will not know that their lover is a selkie, and wakes to find them gone. Other times the human will hide the selkie's skin, thus preventing them from returning to seal form.

"Hey Haku?"

"Mmmm?" he was pretty close to falling asleep, having a harder time dealing with his ale.

"What do you have to keep you here?"

"I don't know what you mean..." He looked ready to fall asleep.

"Do you love this place? Is it so amazing that you want to stay here forever? Wouldn't you rather leave it all behind for something new and fresh... something without so many bad, bad, bad... memories and..." Sakura mumbled something else into the table's woodwork, feeling more tired than she should have.

"Where would you want to go, Sakura?"

"The sea. I want to be carried off and leave everything behind. If you were a selkie I would want you to take me with you under the waves to wherever it is the selkies live. I wouldn't want to stay here for the rest of my life."

Haku looked over at her oddly. "Don't most people die in those sort of stories?"

"No, not the ones that really and truly love the selkie men and women. They go off and live happily I would imagine. That's what I would want."

Sakura heard Haku chuckle and his breath, warm and salted from the sea, was fanning over her ear. "Does that mean you love me Sakura?"

"Yeah, probably."

He laughed, light a breezy in her ear. "Good, me too."

The two fell asleep there and when Jiraiya found them he put them in separate rooms upstairs, scolding the still forms for stealing his drinks when they were still underage.

The next day Haku was the first to wake up and he was promptly escorted out with the end of a broom and half a dozen threats. The boy left bright-eyed and laughing. Something had put him in a good mood.

When Sakura left she was equally refreshed, despite the headache she had heard to be described as a hangover. It had been bad when she first woke up, but she lay awake in bed for an hour or two till it was almost all gone before making her way home with brushed teeth and combed hair.

Out of habit her feet carried her towards the vineyard where the mementos of her mother and long dead sister had been left buried under earth and mud. Over the years she had sneaked them away, stolen and hidden them from her father who was far too eager to pawn them off, or worse, give them to his new wife. Not even everything in that chest was valuable though. There were drawings and letters and poems, cards with pressed flowers and little things with no value to anyone else.

A crow took off overhead and Sakura saw that it was flying low in the sky.

"A bad omen."

Coming up the hill she spotting something long and gray stretching up the sky. Her nostrils flared at the familiar smell of smoke and something dropped in her chest. She broke out in a run and was soon coming up the fire and her stepsister. Karin turned when she heard Sakura, and there were tears behind her glasses and on her cheeks.

"Karin?" Her face was unchanged, calm, cold and unmoving. She didn't appear affected.

"Sakura," she rasped, holding onto a few pictures and papers that looked like they had been pulled from the fire. There was a bracelet that had once belonged to her true, older sister and for once Karin looked at Sakura with something like pity and remorse in place of jealousy and hate. "Sorry... I'm so sorry."

The taller girl stopped a arm's reach away from her stepsister and froze. There were only ashes and indistinguishable remains beneath the fire, but Sakura still knew what had been burning. The photos in Karin's hands were clue enough as to what was going on. Not bothering to stay and ask, she turned and ran, her smile long gone, lost to reality.

The ground had a huge hole in it, and not even the chest remained. Shovels, three of them, were scattered about, looking dirty and used. Was it the ground or was it her heart that shook with anger and hate and rage? She didn't know. She just turned to run once more.

Her father was outside waiting for her. She fell on him screaming and crying and he pushed her off, yelling back. She was disgraceful for hiding what she had and ought to be ashamed he said. She called him names, she called him a thief and heartless swine. He hit her and she clawed back, not willing to give up anything. Through her tears she though she saw her mother and her sister looking at her- but she hadn't seen their ghosts since meeting Haku.

Her stepmother came out to try and stop her husband, and Sakura choked something indistinguishable out at that woman. No one could hear what she said, but her father heard the hate in it and wouldn't have any of it. He hit her again and this time she thought she heard the bone in her cheek crack. He yelled at her and told her to get lost, there was no longer a home for her as long as she was concerned. Still, that woman tried to calm the fray down, saying that banishing a daughter was nonsense and how Sakura was really a good girl.

There was no mistaking it this time. Sakura saw them, both of them standing in the driveway looking as beautiful and peaceful as ever. Her mother was holding her sister's hand and both were smiling. Their eyes were shadowed and blurred, but Sakura knew they were looking at her. Why else would the dead come back? They always came back when she was feeling bad or depressed. They were too fond of haunting her.

Her father stormed back into the house, dragging his wife with him, he slammed the door and left her out there. How long did she lay there in the dirt? It had been bright, sunny and clear last she remembered, but now the clouds were thick and gray, stirring up a storm on the ocean. Maybe it had been hours, maybe only minutes, she didn't know.

Karin came up behind her and helped her sister up. The animosity and rivalry was strangely forgotten. Karin wiped Sakura's face, saying something about how she still envied Sakura for being able to keep such a regal face after such a beating. Karin laughed and Sakura knew that the only things her sister was saying were lies. Sakura knew she must look terrible to have her sister pity her so. Karin would never compliment Sakura, even if there was an unspoken truce between them.

"Oww," Sakura winced when her cheek was touched and she knew it had been broken.

"Sorry, it's bruised and swelling. I should get some ice-"

"Don't bother."

"Sakura?"

"I'll be leaving and I'm not coming back, either way."

"It... It's going to rain soon. Another storm is on its way so it's dangerous. Can't you wait?"

Sakura didn't say anything, she just left. Even as Karin called her name, frantic, desperate, afraid, she still left, refusing to look back. She didn't run, but kept her pace even and steady. Her knees were bleeding and there were holes in her jeans from when her father pushed her to the ground. There was blood under her nails from when she dragged them down his arms and she almost smirked to herself- but she didn't. Her mother and sister were still trailing her, following her heavy heart as she neared the beach. By the time she arrived the waves were high and the sky was black.

She slipped out of her shoes, not bothering to bend down and touch them, and tossed them to the side. There was sand, shifting and rough, and then there was water, like ice. She waded in till it was to her hips and stopped to shiver. Salt was flying from the waves and spraying her in the face.

"Do you remember, Haku? You promised. I said... if you were a selkie I would want you to take me with you under the waves to wherever it is the selkies live, and you said you would. Where are you? Why aren't you here for me?"

Her mother and sister were still on the beach.

"Don't you dare leave me here! Don't you dare!" she screeched, frantic and afraid. The water was up to her chest now. "HAKU!"

The waves rolled over her and choked out her screams. If you ask anyone, save one, in that village where Sakura used to live, they will tell you that the poor girl drowned herself that day in the sea. But if you ask her stepsister, Karin, who had seen Sakura wade out into the swirling waves, she'll tell you what she saw. She'll tell you about the seal that came to save Sakura and carry her away, throwing a second skin over her right before they disappeared forever.

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This is the 1st place prize for my December oneshot contest. The prize was a oneshot for Cup of Christmas Love by Thirrin73.


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